In Which I Make A Lot of People Feel Nervous

Ever have one of those days that starts out badly and just builds and builds until you totally snap? That was my day. It started when I opened the fridge to make breakfast and all I had was one shriveled up apple. It proceeded to get worse bit by bit as: I spilled coffee over my notebook, tripped over nothing as I was walking down the sidewalk, had to pay a gazillion gold doubloons for birth control because my health insurance STILL hasn’t kicked in, and handed over my last 2.50 for a slice of pizza that was soggy and cold. On top of all this I was feeling a bit of what the kids call “heartbreak.” Needless to say, by the time I hopped on the metro to go home I was using every last ounce of energy to hold back my tears. Unfortunately, the second I turned on my magical music machine, one of the saddest songs on my playlist blasted into my ears. The damn burst. I started sobbing uncontrollably on the metro. At rush hour. It was hilarious watching everyone eying me warily as they inched away from me so of course I did what any sane person would do: started laughing hysterically. So there I sat, crying and laughing as people moved more and more quickly to the edges of the train car. I suppose public outpourings of emotion are inappropriate in this day and age but hey, I felt better for getting it all out of my system. Plus, since all the seats around me were swiftly vacated by nervous people, I got to sit down for the rest of my journey.

The song that was my undoing (please don’t judge me!):

In Which I Am Sad.

I haven’t posted in awhile. I could cite many reasons for this; I am busy, I am tired, I tripped over my cat, hit my head and suffered from temporary amnesia. But the truth is, it has been a year of heartache for me. Relationships have ended and grad school has become the source of endless pain and stress. As a result, my mind has been thrown into emotional turmoil. It’s hard to care about blogging (or anything) when all you want to do is crawl into bed and never come out.  I finally sought help and am on a nice cocktail of medication and though I still have a knot of sadness in my heart and I still cry at the slightest thing, I am slowly getting better.  Yesterday I carved pumpkins with two dear friends and as I hacked out a hello kitty that looked like a bear on the surface of my pumpkin, I realized that I was truly content. I’m going to be ok.